Mustache mojo: Can a rally ‘stache seal the deal for desperate deer hunters?
When one thinks of the most epic mustaches of all-time, legendary names like Teddy Roosevelt, Burt Reynolds and Sam Elliott instantly come to mind.
It takes a lot of man to successfully rock the ‘stache, and not everyone can pull it off quite like these impressive figures of whisker magic.
However, recent events in the deer woods have convinced me that those who can muster the strength to grace their upper lips with such a marvel of human fascination, should strongly consider giving it a shot — especially if they have yet to fill their buck tags.
It turns out, a mustache just might be the mojo you’ve been missing while pursuing those elusive whitetails. If you can grow one, it might be worth it. Trust me, I’m living proof.
One day, while grinding away at work during the final week of archery season, my friend Brad texted me a photo that made my jaw drop. He had taken the largest buck of his life, but even more impressive was the amazing “rust-ache” resting just below his nose.
The following weekend, my best pal Bobby showed up at bear camp sporting a fuzzy little caterpillar of his own. If it worked for Brad, he reasoned, it just might work for him. While the bears weren’t as impressed as his wife, the deer surely fell for his antics, as he dropped a huge 8-point that had eluded him all bow season on the evening of the firearms opener.
Catching onto this trend, I too, went all in. I figured, after a hard-fought archery season that left my freezer meat diminished, why not pull out all the stops and whittle my once robust beard into a dainty little Mario Bros. inspired rally ‘stache? Guess what… it actually worked! By 10:30 a.m. on opening morning, a nice mature 7-point stepped into view, and I sealed the deal with a punched Pennsylvania buck tag.
Sharing the harvest photos on social media, millennials and boomers alike gushed at my masterpiece of facial art almost as much as the buck itself. Flattering as it may be, I couldn’t help but thank those itchy little whisps of manliness for the critical role they played in my hunt.
One good buddy followed up with a text reading, “It must’ve been the year of the ‘stache.” His brother Derek, a first-time hunter, boldly took to the forest with a mussie that would’ve made Tom Selleck cry tears of shame, and it paid off when he shot a beauty of a buck at 35-yards.
Another friend recently sent me a selfie of the most subtle strawberry-blonde lip crusty I’ve ever laid my eyes on, but now that I’m a believer in the power of the ‘stache, I’m almost certain he’ll score sooner than later.
The next time you’re unsuccessfully pining for a shot opportunity, and don’t know what else to try, consider rocking a rally ‘stache. I’m not sure if it brings luck, intimidation, or just piques curiosity, but it definitely works. The deer can’t seem to resist it. Plus, I guarantee it will make for the most heroic trophy photo you’ve ever taken in your life, all courtesy of your magical mustache mojo.