Outdoor horoscopes for the week of June 30 to July 6, 2025

♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Yes, the pileated woodpecker tearing up your wooden shed is irritating, but yes, you still must abide by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

♉ Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

An uncle who hasn’t fished since 1994 will out-fish you from the end of the dock using a hook, a split shot, and a cigarette butt. Don’t take it personally.

♊ Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Someone will forget the buns for the July 4th cookout. You’ll fashion passable substitutes out of venison bratwurst and folded tortillas. This will be your legacy.

♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You bring three coolers for a day at the beach. One holds water. The others contain regrets and mayonnaise-based optimism. Eat fast.

♌ Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Midway through baiting your 15th hook of the morning, you’ll experience a wave of existential dread. Shake it off. The worm already accepted its fate. You should too.

♍ Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

After tying on a color you don’t believe in, you’ll catch four fish in 10 minutes. You’ll try to pretend you knew it all along.  Classic Virgo.

♎ Libra (September 23 – October 22)

An illegal Roman candle war will break out near your tent at 11:17 p.m. You will ignore it but draft a strongly worded speech in your head.

♏ Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Ten minutes into your July 4th grilling session you’ll discover the propane tank is empty. Pivot to cold cuts and claim it was the plan all along.

♐ Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your last cannonball will be captured on video and posted without permission. Prepare to be semi-famous in your group chat.

♑ Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Folding lawn chairs rated for 250 pounds will collapse under 251 pounds. Adjust your life accordingly.

♒ Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When a man in a tank top and Crocs attempts to light five bottle rockets at once using a lighter taped to a marshmallow skewer, do not intervene. The stars say it is his time to learn.

♓ Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Abide the words of the old-timer at the dock who notes the walleyes are “feeding by moon phase and emotion.”