Outdoor horoscopes for this week

Aries (March 21-April 19): Pheasant season has you fired up, but your dog has noticed you skipped every preseason walk in August. Expect a polite refusal to retrieve anything farther than 10 yards until you apologize with a milkbone.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): You’ve earmarked this weekend for winterizing the boat. The universe has earmarked it for 60 degrees and a hot walleye bite. One of you will win, and it won’t be the fuel stabilizer.

Gemini (May 21-June 21): Your two favorite seasons are overlapping, and you’ve told your boss you have two dentist appointments, a funeral and a jury summons this week. Keep your stories straight. Better yet, take a vacation day.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): Falling leaves have turned the grouse woods into a crunchy, noisy mess, and every bird hears you coming from a county away. Take it slow. Stop often. The flush you’ve been waiting for is right behind that next aspen.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): You’re convinced this is the year you land a 50-inch muskie. The stars agree that fall is big-fish time, but they’d like to remind you that “fish of 10,000 casts” is not a figure of speech. Bring a second shoulder.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’ve charted every scrape on your trail cameras and built a spreadsheet to predict the rut. The buck has not seen your spreadsheet. He will show up at 2:14 a.m., exactly once, and never again in daylight.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your season is winding down, and so is your patience with that one hunting partner who’s always 20 minutes late to the blind. Balance is your strength. Use it to balance an alarm clock on his nightstand.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your birthday month is almost here, and you know what you want: a treestand that doesn’t creak, a grunt call that doesn’t squeak and a spouse who doesn’t ask what that new credit card charge from the archery shop was for.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The steelhead are pushing into the tributaries, and you’re itching to swing flies on a cold, gray morning. Pack hand warmers and patience. Mostly hand warmers.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The first hard frost is coming, and with it, a push of northern ducks. You’ve waited all fall for this. Don’t spend it chasing the decoy that broke loose. Tie better knots on Saturday night.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’ll try a brand-new duck call you bought online this week. The ducks will react to it the way your family reacts to your karaoke. Stick with the old call and leave the experiments for the bathtub.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): The fall crappie bite is stacking up on deep structure, and you know exactly where. Your fishing buddy wants to know too. Learn to say “Oh, just around” with a straight face.